Byff:  n.  masc. proper name; a mythical god; a child deity whose acts of creation were often flawed, sometimes to hilarious effect, but usually with serendipitous results.

Byffdom:  n.  the state or condition of being Byffed.

Byffed:  adj.  In a state of disorder; flawed, disorganized, confused; syn. bungled (as of a product or project).

A personal chronicle of synchronicity, of the Collective Unconscious, of mythology, of evolutionary psychology, human nature, current events, and pop culture, and their intersection with--and influence on--my creativity, on the effort involved therein, and on my writing, art, and photography.

Excerpt of the Day

Gen. Hammond: Do you think his current condition poses any threat?
Dr. Frasier: Sir, I don't even know what's wrong with him. All I can tell you is that his brain function has increased tenfold.
Daniel: Jack was able to read the alien language. Both the inscription from the wall at the meetingplace on Ernest's planet and the circle of symbols from 272, where this happened to him.
Hammond: What does it mean?
Daniel: Uh, well my translation's a little bit vague. I think the circle means 'The Place of Our Legacy.' Or it could be 'A Piece of Our Leg'. But the first seems to make more sense.
O'Neill: I remember something. There's a man. And he's bald, and he wears a short-sleeved shirt, and somehow he's very important to me. I think his name is...Homer.
Krychek: You must be gettin slow, Mulder, I can beat you with one hand.
Mulder: Is that how you like to beat yourself?
{Krychek brandishes a handgun}
Mulder: If those are my last words, I can do better.
Apollo: I just want you to know, Kara, that I'm your friend and I love you. If there's anything you want to talk about, anything you want to get off your chest, I'm here for you.
Starbuck: What was that middle part again?
Shepard: How's it coming, Rodney?
McKay: Slower than expected, but faster than humanly possible.
Shepard: I don't suppose you could also get some power to the cloaking device; that would really come in handy right about now.
McKay: Oh, and how about a sandwich? Would you like me to make you a nice sandwich?
Shepard: Only if it's humanly possible.
O'Neill: Hey! Whoa! Where'd you come from?
Monk: I have been here for some time.
O'Neill: No. You weren't here when we just came in.
Monk: Here is everywhere you are.
O'Neill: Excuse me?
Daniel: Um, hello, I'm, uh, Daniel Jackson. This is Jack O'Neill. And this is Bre'tac. We're peaceful explorers from a place called Earth.
Monk: Do you seek oneness with Desalla?
Daniel: Desalla. I know that word. It sounds tribal. African, maybe.
Monk: Desalla is everything, everywhere.
Daniel: Nature! That, uh, means nature.
O'Neill: Ah.
Monk: Put no barriers between you and where you are.
O'Neill: (to Jackson) Don't look at me.
Bre'tac: I believe he wishes us to take off our boots.
O'Neill: Yeah, look, uh...we've been walking a ways today...
Monk: Your journey has only begun.
O'Neill: I'm just sayin, I think I'm doing us all a big favor keeping these babies on.
Monk: When the mind is enlightened, the spirit is free; the body matters not.
O'Neill: Here's an idea: why don't we just ask the man if the boy's here?
Daniel: We've come looking for a boy. A baby.
Monk: Lightning flashes; sparks shower. In one blink of your eyes, you've missed seeing.
O'Neill: Lightning, you say?
Monk: I only know a snowflake cannot exist in a storm of fire.
O'Neill: What?
Daniel: Jack--
O'Neill: No, I--you know me, I'm a huge fan of subtlety, but that's downright encrypted.
Daniel: Sorry, don't, uh, worry about him.
Monk: The sun is warm, the wind is wild, the grass is green along the shores; here no bull can hide.
O'Neill: Oh, I don't know about that.
Carter: What exactly are you studying here?
Heimdall: I am conducting research into the genetic history of the Asgard.
O'Neill: Yeah, now see, that doesn't sound like something worth dying for.
Heimdall: That is because you do not understand the gravity of the situation.
O'Neill: Feel free to enlighten us.
Heimdall: As a race, the Asgard reproduce exclusively through of a process of enhanced cellular mitosis.
Carter: Are you serious? You have no other means of propagation?
Heimdall: No.
O'Neill: Carter?
Carter: They're clones, sir. All of them.
O'Neill: Ah. (to Heimdall) Well, that answers a few questions.
Heimdall: In fact, for nearly a thousand years, we have been physically incapable of achieving cell division through meiosis.
O'Neill: Hm?
Carter: Sexual reproduction, sir.
O'Neill: Ah. (to Heimdall) A thousand years?
Heimdall: It is not something we usually discuss with other races.
O'Neill: This I understand.
Dollen: Is there nothing you can do to help him?
Carter: What's his condition?
Dollen: Well, his lower brain functions seem to be intact. His breathing and heart rate are normal. But he is completely unresponsive to any stimulus.
Carter: That doesn't make sense.
O'Neill: Teal'c?
Teal'c: Prior to the process of incubating Gou'a'ould symbiotes using Jaffa, the blending between Gou'a'ould and host had only a one in two chance of success. Jaffa were created for the very reason of improving the ability of the symbiote to take human hosts.
Carter: So the fact that this symbiote was raised in a tank could explain the coma-like state.
Teal'c: To the best of my knowledge a failed blending results in death, to both Gou'a'ould and host. This man is very much alive.
Dollen: Our understanding is that this is a typical reaction to contact with a Gou'a'ould offspring.
Teal'c: A Gou'a'ould offspring is born with the intellect and knowledge of the queen who bore it. Normally the fully-developed personality would emerge, allowing the symbiote to control the host immediately upon blending.
O'Neill: Glowing eyes, cliched behavior, evilness, that kind of thing.
O'Neill: Not a pretty sight, even for a Gou'a'ould, huh?
Kelmaa: She is extremely old.
Malek: She has been kept in this manner for decades?
Carter: According to the Pengarans, they began using her for medical experiments over fifty years ago. She's been breeding symbiotes to make tretonin for more than half that time.
O'Neill: All right, now, how is that possible? I mean, how does she make kids without friend?
Malek: Symbiote queens are able to fertilize their own eggs. It is essentially an asexual process.
O'Neill: That why you guys take hosts?
O'Neill: Can you help us out here?
Thor: It is we who need your help. The Asgard homeworld has been overrun by the Replicators.
O'Neill: Are you serious?
Thor: Very.
O'Neill: This ship you need? This brand-new ship?
Thor: Yes.
O'Neill: So new it doesn't have a name yet! It's not even finished!
Carter: I think that's the point, sir. The more low-tech, the better.
Thor: Correct, Major Carter.
Jonas: (approaching the Asgard with great interest, but cautiously) Certainly defies conventional wisdom.
O'Neill: Mine, too.
Thor: The Replicators will not wish to integrate such vastly inferior technology into their own.
O'Neill: Then...what?
Thor: A task for which you are uniquely suited.
O'Neill: You need someone dumb enough.
Thor: On the contrary, it is both your physical prowess and military expertise that are required.
O'Neill: Yeah, don't get me wrong, flattery goes a long way with me. But if you're going where I think you're going with this...
Thor: When it became clear to the Asgard high council that the war with the Replicators could not be won, a plan was devised; a trap was set. One made possible by you.
Carter: By us?
Thor: The android Reese that you discovered and provided to us for study, retained a single core command in her base programming, which we believed all Replicators will still follow.
Carter: Then you were able to reactivate her.
Thor: No. The android was damaged beyond repair. However, the key command was activated within her neural network, amplified, and broadcast through subspace throughout the known universe.
Carter: What was the command?
Thor: To come forth.
Jonas: You instructed every Replicator out there to come to you.
O'Neill: I have a theory why you lost the war.
Baal: Who are you?
O'Neill: You go first.
Baal (standing): You claim you do not know me.
O'Neill: Well, take no offense there, Skippy, I'm sure you're a real hot, important Gou'a'ould; I've just always been kinda out of the loop with the whole snake thing.
Baal: I am Baal.
O'Neill: That's it? Just "Ball"? As in Bocce?
Baal: Do you not know the pain you will suffer for this impudence?
O'Neill: I don't know the meaning of the word.
{Baal brandishes a knife}
O'Neill: Seriously. "Impudence." What does that mean?
O'Neill: Hello. Uh, thank you.
Alien 1: You are welcome.
O'Neill: You understand me?
Alien 2: We speak many languages.
O'Neill: You're the Asgard. Thor's race. Right?
Alien 1: You have heard of us.
O'Neill: Nothing but good things.
Alien 2: You looked into the archive that stores all the Ancients' knowledge.
O'Neill: Apparently.
Alien 2: It was not meant for you.
O'Neill: What, this was all an accident?
Alien 1: Human physiology has not advanced to the point where your brain could handle that technology.
O'Neill: So...where am I?
Alien 1: This is the Asgard planet Othalla in the galaxy of Eida.
O'Neill: Why did I come here?
Alien 2: The Ancients moved on from our region of space long ago. But your subconscious mind used their knowledge to find us here, where you could get help.
Alien 1: Very impressive.
O'Neill: Well, you know.
Alien 1: We did not think your brains had advanced even that far.
O'Neill: How is it you know so much about...our brains?
O’Neill: You guys trying to make yourself sick?
Jonas: Well, Thor forgot to take the need for refrigeration into account, so I figured we’d start with the frozen stuff. Mmm, that’s good.
O’Neill: I’ll buy that. {sits down next to Teal’c } So, Jonas, first time going up against a Replicator, eh? {tries to dip a spoon into Teal’c’s ice cream; Teal’c recoils and pulls another pint out for him}
Jonas: Mm-hm. Oh, I think I have a pretty good idea what to expect, though. Teal’c told me all about them, and I read everything Dr. Jackson wrote. They’re fascinating.
O’Neill: Fascinating?
Jonas: Yeah. Well, think about it. You have a human scientist who creates this android girl, who then goes on to create these Replicators as a toy. Well, at least the concept of something that starts out so innocent and becomes so evil...that’s gotta be fascinating to you.
Teal’c: Replicators exist merely to increase their numbers and do so without prejudice. They are no more evil than a virus.
O’Neill: A really evil virus.
Thor: We dare proceed no further without risk of engaging the Replicators. You will have to continue from this point on your own ship’s power. O’Neill: But you’re gonna wait here for us, right?
Thor: There is now another concern. Our long-range sensors have discovered tha the time-dilation device was indeed activated.
O’Neill: Well, that’s good. {hesitates} It’s not good?
Thor: Time is now progressing faster within the field.
Carter: They reversed it?
Thor: By a factor of ten squared.
O’Neill: What is with you people? Time machines are nothing but trouble. Even we know that.
Teal’c: Clearly the Replicators have discovered a means of utilizing the time dilation device to serve their own purpose.
Jonas: Well, what would that purpose be?
O’Neill: I gotta tell ya, this changes things. {hesitates} Carter, how does this change things?
Carter: I don’t know sir. I guess it doesn’t.
O’Neill: You mean we’ve got the same problem we had an hour ago.
Carter: Well, the difference is, in that hour, four days have passed for the Replicators. Depending on when they did this, relatively speaking, they could have experienced hundreds of years—
O’Neill: I get it, I get it.
Thor: If you wish to reconsider—
O’Neill: No, no. I full well expected the other shoe to drop eventually.
Thor: We can only hope that is the last footwear to fall.
First: Ironic, isn’t it?
O’Neill: Who are you people? Because if you haven’t noticed, this entire planet is paved with Replicators.
First: We are aware of this.
O’Neill: Then you should also know that these things have taken millions of lives. And they’ll keep on doing that unless we stop them.
Fourth [to First]: He doesn’t understand.
O’Neill: You know, he’s standing right here.
First: We are inside your unconscious mind.
O’Neill: You’d think there’d be more lights on.